9 ways to make people wonder

It’s been 12 months since I formally started my coaching journey and have now accounted for hundreds of coaching and mentoring hours with tens of clients. One of the assignment I had to do for my final exam was to write my coaching model (which will be subject for another article) and this offered me the nudge to analyze my practice.

Looking back at my clients, my evolution and our work together, I see one red thread spreading throughout the sessions and that is the fact that they started to question their surroundings, their situation, they started to see new opportunities, new perspectives. They started thinking about what could become possible, they started to wonder.

Photo by Bruno Scramgnon

“I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others.”


This is socratic questioning. Socratic questioning involves asking a series of open-ended questions to explore a concept or idea in depth and to challenge assumptions and beliefs. This method is often used in education, as it helps students to think critically, examine their own beliefs and better understand complex concepts. Socratic questioning can also be used in everyday life to encourage meaningful conversations, to facilitate personal growth and self-discovery and to gain a deeper understanding of different perspectives. The key to Socratic questioning is to ask questions that challenge assumptions and encourage reflection, rather than simply seeking answers.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt like no matter what you did, you couldn’t quite seem to get people to understand you or your perspective? It can be frustrating, to say the least. But perhaps, instead of trying so hard to make people understand, we could focus on making them wonder.

When we make people wonder, we open up the possibility for them to come to their own conclusions and understand things in their own way. We give them the space to think critically and to ask questions. This can be especially important in situations where there is disagreement or conflict.

So how do we make people wonder?

Photo by Pixabay

  1. Ask thought-provoking questions: Asking questions that challenge the status quo or push people to think differently can inspire curiosity and spark discussion.
  2. Share obscure or little-known facts: Whether it’s a trivia tidbit or an interesting fact about a lesser-known subject, sharing obscure knowledge can get people wondering and wanting to learn more.
  3. Present an unusual perspective: By presenting an uncommon or unexpected point of view, you can challenge people’s assumptions and inspire them to see things in a new light. OR Explore different perspectives: Ask questions that help you understand different points of view, such as “What do you think the other side of this argument would say?” or “Can you see it from another perspective?”
  4. Create a sense of mystery: Whether it’s through storytelling, an intriguing image, or an cryptic message, creating a sense of mystery can spark people’s imagination and leave them wanting to know more.
  5. Showcase the impossible: Demonstrating something that defies conventional wisdom or challenges people’s understanding of the world can get them wondering and seeking answers.
  6. Encourage reflection: Ask questions that prompt people to think about their own beliefs and experiences, such as “What led you to believe that?” or “Can you explain why you feel that way?”
  7. Foster critical thinking: Ask questions that challenge assumptions and encourage problem-solving, such as “What evidence supports this?” or “How could we test that hypothesis?”
  8. Enhance communication: Use Socratic questioning to encourage meaningful conversations and to delve deeper into topics, rather than just exchanging surface-level information.
  9. Encourage self-discovery: Use Socratic questioning to explore your own thoughts and beliefs, and to better understand your values and motivations.

By making people wonder, you have the power to inspire curiosity, spark creativity and foster critical thinking. So go out there and start making people question, imagine, and ponder. The possibilities are endless.

If you want to get in touch and talk more about wonder, drop a line in the comments.

5 love languages in business

You’ve probably heard about the book and theory of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, that basically states that, in order for a relationship to thrive, you need to understand how your partner wants to receive love and appreciation and that we need to communicate based on how the other needs, not how we want to receive.

Given the newest stats I read here, about the influence that the relationship with the manager has on most of us:

  • 70% of employees say that their manager influences their wellbeing more than their therapist or doctor, 70% of people say their manager has more impact on their mental health, more than their therapist or their doctor
  • 71% say stress at work negatively impinges on their home life,
  • 30% of people say their manager fails to recognize their own impact on others’ wellbeing.
  • 70% of people would like their manager to do more to support mental health

I thought we can all be happier if we communicate better.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

The 5 love languages was a book of reference for me, as it gave me direct pointers on understanding others, with real, concrete actions I could take to show my appreciation.

These five languages, defined by Dr. Gary Chapman, include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch and quality time. By understanding and speaking these love languages with coworkers and clients, you can improve communication, build stronger relationships, and ultimately drive success in your business.

  1. Words of Affirmation: For some people, words of encouragement, recognition, and praise are the most meaningful form of communication. If this is your love language in the workplace, you may appreciate hearing positive feedback from your manager, colleagues, or clients.
  2. Acts of Service: Some people value actions over words. If this is your love language in business, you may appreciate when coworkers take on tasks or responsibilities for you or go out of their way to help.
  3. Receiving Gifts: Some people appreciate receiving gifts as a sign of thoughtfulness and appreciation. In a business setting, this might mean receiving a small token of appreciation from a client or coworker, such as a gift card or personalized thank you note.
  4. Physical Touch: While physical touch may not be appropriate in the workplace, some people value physical connection and contact as a form of communication. If this is your love language in business, you may appreciate a handshake or pat on the back from a coworker or client.
  5. Quality Time: Some people value undivided attention and presence as a form of communication. In the workplace, this might mean having a one-on-one meeting with a coworker or client to discuss work and build a relationship.

Photo by fauxels.

By understanding and speaking these five love languages, you can improve communication, build stronger relationships, and ultimately drive success in your business. Whether you’re speaking words of affirmation to a coworker, offering acts of service to a client, or simply spending quality time with your team, taking the time to understand and speak the love languages can have a significant impact on your success in the workplace.

Here are some concrete examples you can apply from today:

  1. Words of Affirmation: A manager regularly provides specific, positive feedback to their employees during performance reviews. A coworker takes the time to write a personal note to a colleague, congratulating them on a job well done.
  2. Acts of Service: A team member volunteers to take on a task for a coworker who is overwhelmed with work. A client sends a basket of snacks and drinks to the office, showing appreciation for the team’s hard work.
  3. Receiving Gifts: A client sends a personalized gift to a salesperson who helped them with their purchase. A team leader gives a small token of appreciation, such as a plant or a book, to each team member for their hard work and dedication.
  4. Physical Touch: A manager gives a coworker a pat on the back after a successful presentation. A team leader gives a hug to a team member who has been working long hours.
  5. Quality Time: A manager sets aside one-on-one time with each team member to discuss their goals and provide support. A coworker takes the time to listen to a colleague’s concerns and offer advice.

Photo by Panos Sakalakis

In conclusion, the 5 love languages are a powerful tool for improving communication and building stronger relationships in business. By understanding and speaking the love languages of your coworkers, clients, and team members, you can create a positive and productive work environment and drive success for your business.

Moreover, when you start practicing this way of communication, you will automatically change the way you communicate with your loved ones, thus improving your overall state of wellbeing.

If you want to discover more books I am passionate about, here are a few examples, but the articles are in Romanian language:

1 word, 2 exercises, 1 life changing perspective

The title of the article was originally “Good is in the details” and it started from the idiom saying “devil is in the details” but the message you will find below has nothing to do with the devil or anything bad, for that matter so I switched to “God is in the details”. Since it has nothing to do with God, religion, spirituality or any magic, but the change it provoques is a positive one, “good is in the details” was born.

I had a funny relationship with details throughout my life. For years I consumed a lot of energy trying to control every detail, that I often lost sight of the big picture. Later I became a graphic designer and the eye for details was an advantage in my work, but still not that much in the personal life, where one has to overlook details they don t like about a spouse, maintaining the focus on the big picture of the happy family, for example.

At one point in my journey I realized how tired I was of paying that much attention to details, so I started looking at the bigger picture, applying a “got enough” mindset sometimes, instead of blocking things due of imperfect details.

Photo by Ravi Kant

Last year, when I officially became a coach, a calling where I feel at home within myself, I learned that this is what I was actually preparing for. Being a coach is about paying attention to the small details that can have a big impact on someone’s well-being and happiness. This means being attentive to a client’s body language, tone of voice and word choice, as well as their goals, values and belief systems.

The words we use with ourselves and with others, when we are in a safe and trusting environment, say a lot about us, our beliefs and offer insights into what we can improve.

Is it my “job” to mirror these details to the client and to support him in trully hearing what stands behind his words.

Here are 2 exercises you can do starting today, one physical and one cognitive, that you can do whenever you have an issue to solve, be it small like “what to have for lunch” or big like “is it ok to leave my job”.

1 Start with your body

I invite you to sit on a comfortable chair or sofa, with back rest, place you back against the sofa and open your arms straight to the left and right, from your shoulder, parallel to the ground. Rest your arms if you can on the sofa, opened at maximum arm span, feel your chest opening, breathe and enjoy this feeling. You COULD do everything you are afraid to even try. This is a posture that is an instant smile for me, please do share how it feels for you.

Photo by Andre Furtado.

2 Back to your mind

Instead of asking yourself “what SHOULD I do?” or “what CAN I do?” in a certain situation, ask yourself “what COULD I do?”.

While SHOULD keeps us blocked in social constructs and other people’s expectations, CAN keeps us blocked in the limitations of the immediate environment, COULD feels like a deep breath on top of the mountain on a clear blue sky kind of day. COULD opens the chest, the heart, the mind.

The word “COULD” is a powerful tool that gives us the ability to imagine and visualize different outcomes and possibilities. It opens up the door for us to explore new ideas and take on new challenges. The power of “could” lies in its versatility, as it can be used to express potential, possibility, and permission. By saying “I could,” we give ourselves the permission to try, to experiment, and to fail without fear of judgment. This simple word has the power to unlock our potential and help us overcome obstacles, making it a valuable tool in personal growth and self-improvement.

Whether it’s in our personal lives or our careers, the power of “could” can be a transformative force, helping us to turn our aspirations into realities. Could is a new found freedom.

And there is also science behind COULD, here is a study called “Does Could Lead to Good? On the Road to Moral Insight” by Ting Zhang, from Harvard University.

So now, what COULD you do, if you believed you are enough, if you allowed yourself to try? What becomes possible now?

If you want to explore more, drop a message and let’s schedule a 30′ chemistry session.